Unanswered Questions

If I have not written much of anything regarding Campbell's hospitalization in the two months since we have been home, it is largely because I, and Russ and I together, have spent much of this time processing. Processing what we have gone through. Processing the changes God has initiated in us as a result of this trial. Processing the miracle God has given us.

I have struggled over the last few months as I have sought to understand so many things. Why did God spare Campbell? How do I respond now? Some of our responses have been automatic. We came out of this situation knowing that we wanted to be people who gave more, who were there when others were hurting - regardless of how comfortable it was or was not. I vowed to not use that phrase "let me know what I can do", but rather be one who simply did (as I will never stop being grateful for those who did for us when we most needed it).

And yet there are deeper things, deeper questions. I have no doubt that the Sovereign God has plans that I do not understand. I have no doubt that while here on this earth there will be unanswered questions, there will be things we don't understand. And yet I feel the need to make some sense, to have some reasoning as to why God, my God who knows all and is above all, chose to give Campbell the chance to live a full and normal life.

Today our friends, Ryan and Shanna Marsh, were told that their precious two year-old daughter has two months to live. Having been treated for an aggressive form of cancer since May 2009, Layla has undergone surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant. After reviewing her recent scans, doctors found new tumors had formed despite all of the treatment.

Shanna and I knew each other in high school and were on drill team together. Up until several months ago, I had not seen her since shortly after high school graduation. After Layla got sick, I got back in touch with her to see if there was anything we could do to help them. This past fall I got involved with planning a fundraiser with several other girls, to raise money for Layla's medical costs. It was several weeks before the fundraiser that Campbell was hospitalized. The fundraiser took place while we are at the hospital and Layla was hospitalized again pretty quickly after the fundraiser. During the time we were at Texas Children's, Ryan and Shanna became a great support to us, both in prayer and encouragement.

As we talked about Layla tonight, as we prayed for her, Ryan, Shanna, and her sisters, Russ and both had the same thoughts running through our heads.

Why not us? Why did God give us a miraculous outcome, while the Marsh's have been given the most devastating news I can imagine?

While I may not yet (ever?) understand the "why" behind it all, I do know that God is loving, compassionate, and purposeful.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."

The Girl I Love More Than Any Other

There are a myriad (awesome word) of reasons I don't have more full-out photo sessions with Campbell. #1 She is unbelievably uncooperative. Seriously, for a child who is SO well-behaved, she absolutely does not respond to "Campbell, look at the camera!". And #2 I generally always feel guilty if I work on my own stuff when I have client images to edit...which is basically all the time.

But I often feel sad that I am handing out fully edited and ready to print images to clients and the pictures of my precious girl often sit unedited and almost always unprinted on my hard-drive. My mother frequently refers to herself as the plumber's wife (cause you know, the plumber's wife has leaky faucets...and the photographer's mother doesn't have good pictures of her granddaughter.)

So Campbell and I made a stop today as we ran errands and "pwayed" for a bit. Angela and Lori, forgive me as I took a brief break today from editing your sessions, to edit my own. I love these images, from that beaver tooth smile to that prissy walk to those huge blue eyes, these represent all the little details of her that I obsess over day in and day out. What a gift she is.

So without further ado, the girl I love more than any other.

Christmas, King Style

While Russ and I set out after last Christmas with the intention of making Christmas remain about the awesome gift God has given us in Christ Jesus His Son, what we have gone through over the last several months with Campbell has made that even more of a priority to us. The miracle we have been given in the restored health of our daughter has changed our perspective in many ways, has altered our marriage, our decision-making processes, and our overall relationships with God. In light of all that, in addition to our church's focus on the Advent Conspiracy, we wanted to make sure that we were showing Campbell the right things about Christmas.

In the interest of hoping to actually post this in the month of December, you can read about one of our most significant new traditions here. Thanks Missy for doing the hard work of typing it out for me!

We had a fabulous (busy!) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, celebrating with family. Despite our "less is more approach", Campbell got more presents from family than I can currently bring myself to go through, Russ has been gifted with a television that has made football even better than it already was, if that was possible, thanks to his adoring wife, and I am looking forward to our annual girls shopping day tomorrow with my mom and sister in lieu of Christmas presents.

Campbell, MiMi, and Da on Christmas Eve

Hannans

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Much love for Cousin Zuriel

The man of my dreams on Christmas morning

Playing with her new highchair and baby

Campbell LOVED this baby in the store. Now that Santa has delivered it, she is not the slightest bit interested. Practical, thrifty me is considering returning it...is that wrong?

Christmas morning with Grandma and Paw-Paw

We spent Christmas afternoon with GiGi and Bob-Bob (Russ's mom and stepdad). By this point, CRK was a master at opening presents. GiGi and Bob-Bob got her a whole host of items for her play kitchen, including the worlds cutest apron, made by GiGi of course!

Campbell got GiGi a new apron too.

We thank God for the gift of His Son, for this season of celebrating Him, and for the blessings He has given us. I pray that Russ and I are this aware all year of the joy we have to celebrate, of the needs of those around us, and of the resources God has given us to help those He has placed in our paths.