Unanswered Questions

If I have not written much of anything regarding Campbell's hospitalization in the two months since we have been home, it is largely because I, and Russ and I together, have spent much of this time processing. Processing what we have gone through. Processing the changes God has initiated in us as a result of this trial. Processing the miracle God has given us.

I have struggled over the last few months as I have sought to understand so many things. Why did God spare Campbell? How do I respond now? Some of our responses have been automatic. We came out of this situation knowing that we wanted to be people who gave more, who were there when others were hurting - regardless of how comfortable it was or was not. I vowed to not use that phrase "let me know what I can do", but rather be one who simply did (as I will never stop being grateful for those who did for us when we most needed it).

And yet there are deeper things, deeper questions. I have no doubt that the Sovereign God has plans that I do not understand. I have no doubt that while here on this earth there will be unanswered questions, there will be things we don't understand. And yet I feel the need to make some sense, to have some reasoning as to why God, my God who knows all and is above all, chose to give Campbell the chance to live a full and normal life.

Today our friends, Ryan and Shanna Marsh, were told that their precious two year-old daughter has two months to live. Having been treated for an aggressive form of cancer since May 2009, Layla has undergone surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant. After reviewing her recent scans, doctors found new tumors had formed despite all of the treatment.

Shanna and I knew each other in high school and were on drill team together. Up until several months ago, I had not seen her since shortly after high school graduation. After Layla got sick, I got back in touch with her to see if there was anything we could do to help them. This past fall I got involved with planning a fundraiser with several other girls, to raise money for Layla's medical costs. It was several weeks before the fundraiser that Campbell was hospitalized. The fundraiser took place while we are at the hospital and Layla was hospitalized again pretty quickly after the fundraiser. During the time we were at Texas Children's, Ryan and Shanna became a great support to us, both in prayer and encouragement.

As we talked about Layla tonight, as we prayed for her, Ryan, Shanna, and her sisters, Russ and both had the same thoughts running through our heads.

Why not us? Why did God give us a miraculous outcome, while the Marsh's have been given the most devastating news I can imagine?

While I may not yet (ever?) understand the "why" behind it all, I do know that God is loving, compassionate, and purposeful.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."

The Girl I Love More Than Any Other

There are a myriad (awesome word) of reasons I don't have more full-out photo sessions with Campbell. #1 She is unbelievably uncooperative. Seriously, for a child who is SO well-behaved, she absolutely does not respond to "Campbell, look at the camera!". And #2 I generally always feel guilty if I work on my own stuff when I have client images to edit...which is basically all the time.

But I often feel sad that I am handing out fully edited and ready to print images to clients and the pictures of my precious girl often sit unedited and almost always unprinted on my hard-drive. My mother frequently refers to herself as the plumber's wife (cause you know, the plumber's wife has leaky faucets...and the photographer's mother doesn't have good pictures of her granddaughter.)

So Campbell and I made a stop today as we ran errands and "pwayed" for a bit. Angela and Lori, forgive me as I took a brief break today from editing your sessions, to edit my own. I love these images, from that beaver tooth smile to that prissy walk to those huge blue eyes, these represent all the little details of her that I obsess over day in and day out. What a gift she is.

So without further ado, the girl I love more than any other.